FUCKED UP

is the phrase that describes me now

My Last Words

It’s 12.30 am on a Tuesday morning. I am writing this right now because I am damn stressed.

In fact, I don’t know why or how I became stressed tonight. This is the first time I feel like screaming at someone for no particular reason. The last time I had this feeling was when I just became the Leo President back in secondary school and I was bombarded with a lot of responsibilities.

Note to self: Buy a punching bag, or else my roommate will be the first victim

Actually, my theory is…

I was happily doing my Chemistry Questions downloaded from the college website. Then all of a sudden Alex came in saying that he wants to copy some music files into his external hard disk. Initially I was happy to stop my work and let him fiddle with my laptop. However, after awhile I got impatient – that’s when my mood changed. I couldn’t do, or I took a long time solving the questions, and people for no good reason constantly visited my room.

Note: This is me talking at 12.30 am, stressed and pissed. Please allow me to blame someone for now. I’m not saying that I don’t like you all to be in my room when I’m doing my work… nor am I saying that you all are bad companions… I’m just not saying anything…

To make matters worse, Chandler came into the room immediately after the transferring of files were done, and started messing with my laptop! I told him what I was doing, and he decided to join in the ‘solving fun hunt’ as well. In addition, he did his solutions on the laptop; not knowing that my mood at that moment was not fast enough to deduce that one mole of MnO4 reacts with 5Fe.

I got very depressed after that, cause I thought that I really don’t know how to do the questions.

He came back later asking me whether I was stressed. I gave him an obvious yes.

And I just forgot that I have Chemistry S Lecture tomorrow, and I haven’t done my work yet… GREAT!!

A few days ago some lady fell eight storeys above at the HDB Flats near my hostel. It was rumoured to be suicide.

“At this point in time, it’s between that or a cigarette.”

"frozen face, eyes locked in place
extinct emotions, heart uneasy
walking through darkness, head held down
watching the ground
zombie in motion, unable to feel
speech is unfathomable
repeated words, cycling in your head
hurt...pain...tears
shadows are now doubled, people are now few
days seem to surrender to night
faces turn to unfamiliar statues
objects somehow alike, yet so very unique
there to unravel tightly weaved plans
of the "happy life", constructed at your making
memories claw your insides to small red shreds
showing no emotion, expression painted on
that smiless stare is the only face
you'll ever wear
the only clue ever to be shown of
how you live your life, quiet in the shadows"

Congrats Boon and Serene!

Today is the last week of Term Three…

It’s a Monday

Two weeks to Prelims/Trials

FUCK I’m so dead.

I just found out that She Ai Ling and Boon Chia Weng are studying in Singapore – Ai Ling in NUS and Boon in NTU. Both were from Subang Utama, and both were from Lick Hung.

(To non-Subang Jaya residents: Subang Utama is a secondary school I used to attend in my town Subang Jaya while Lick Hung is a primary school I attended.)

I found out about Ai Ling when she sent me an email asking me about some camp in Temasek Hall (A hostel block in NUS). I was surprised that she sent me an email about it. So I message Ying Qian (fellow Subang Utama mate in Anderson JC):

‘Hey you remember Ai Ling? Is she studying in NUS or what?’

She replied:

‘Yup! Just got in, and Boon too. He’s in NTU doing engineering I think. And we’re still in JC… haha…’

You got that right Ying Qian.

All this is adding stress to me. It’s amazing how they can get in this year! It means that we will be one year behind them if we do get into NUS or NTU or SMU! And whether I (Ying Qian and Ruo Lin you both sure can get in la) can get into one of these universities or not is another question!

Oh Ruo Lin is another Subang Utama mate in National JC now.

As far as I can recall Boon did his A Levels in Taylors’ College, so my question is: What is the difference between an A Levels cert from my town and an A Levels cert from Singapore? I can still apply for NUS, NTU and SMU right?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them getting in, in fact I can’t wait to bump into them!

But as Robert Frost said:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference”

Did I choose the right road?

Today is the last week of Term Three…

It’s a Monday

Two weeks to Prelims/Trials

FUCK I’m so dead.

I just found out that She Ai Ling and Boon Chia Weng are studying in Singapore – Ai Ling in NUS and Boon in NTU. Both were from Subang Utama, and both were from Lick Hung.

(To non-Subang Jaya residents: Subang Utama is a secondary school I used to attend in my town Subang Jaya while Lick Hung is a primary school I attended.)

I found out about Ai Ling when she sent me an email asking me about some camp in Temasek Hall (A hostel block in NUS). I was surprised that she sent me an email about it. So I message Ying Qian (fellow Subang Utama mate in Anderson JC):

‘Hey you remember Ai Ling? Is she studying in NUS or what?’

She replied:

‘Yup! Just got in, and Boon too. He’s in NTU doing engineering I think. And we’re still in JC… haha…’

You got that right Ying Qian.

All this is adding stress to me. It’s amazing how they can get in this year! It means that we will be one year behind them if we do get into NUS or NTU or SMU! And whether I (Ying Qian and Ruo Lin you both sure can get in la) can get into one of these universities or not is another question!

Oh Ruo Lin is another Subang Utama mate in National JC now.

As far as I can recall Boon did his A Levels in Taylors’ College, so my question is: What is the difference between an A Levels cert from my town and an A Levels cert from Singapore? I can still apply for NUS, NTU and SMU right?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them getting in, in fact I can’t wait to bump into them!

But as Robert Frost said:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference”

Did I choose the right road?

Cock And Bull Shit

Movies watched: Horrifying not-worth-it-at-all The Maid. Made in Singapore what do you expect? Credit them for getting into the US Film Industry though. Had to succumb to peer pressure by saying that the movie was good cause my friends enjoyed the show. I thought that the plot sucked. Real anti-climax. Just looking at a Jennifer Garner poster would entertain me more than the show.

New nickname: ‘Poser’ by Madam Shanta. The next shooting theme is ‘Yellow Banana’ FYI.

Very overused sentences by an individual: I Feel Like Dropping A Subject (X 10)

Four Words: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

It is particularly annoying when someone keeps telling the whole world that he/she wants to drop a subject (A Levels require 3 subject passes but we started off with 4), but doesn’t know what to drop, only to find himself/herself confused and dazed. Finally, they choose not to drop

Four Words: SHUT THE HELL UP!

I get very annoyed and demoralised when someone whines over this matter. If you want to drop, JUST DROP! Cause no matter how much advice we give you, you won’t listen. And when your circle of friends is huge, conflicting ideas mixed in your mind… well ain’t that nice. And it gets me thinking too why am I stuck with 4 subjects, 1 pathetic good for nothing S paper and some dumb ass General Paper (which can be easily substituted with IELTS if I’m going Australia)

It gets worse when these words come out from a student who is doing quite well. Almost the top in class, yet now and then I hear her going ‘Aiyo damn stress want to drop Bio’. I just feel like giving her the middle finger and a super tight slap.

" Nostalgia from NS days: ‘Out of my face’ my NS buddy would say in times like these."

Talking about my middle finger, I gave one to a VJC friend of mine. It’s been awhile since my middle finger expressed himself.

To give credit though: To my classmate who finally decided to drop a subject: Chemistry. He was also a damn pain in the ass for the entire Term 3, being indecisive and all. Most of my classmates dropped Econs (with the hope of pursuing a Bio Chem sort of degree in Uni) while a small bunch with Chem Econs. But this guy was the first Bio Econs. Weird combination cause you can’t go anywhere with Bio only (Chem has to complement it) while Econs related faculties doesn’t require any basic knowledge of Econs for entry. His reasoning being he’s a good mugger. Yet again, this was his decision after 9 FUCKING WEEKS, and as much as I want to tell him that he should reconsider the subject he chose to drop, I am happy for him.

Devil talking here: I am also happy cause he won’t be an annoying asshole who doesn’t know what to drop anymore.

Shit no way! Revelation is back @ Port Dickson! Any of you guys interested? Hurry it's on 20th August 2005! 

Forever eyewear by CK 

The new hostelwear by CK