My Last Words

It’s 12.30 am on a Tuesday morning. I am writing this right now because I am damn stressed.

In fact, I don’t know why or how I became stressed tonight. This is the first time I feel like screaming at someone for no particular reason. The last time I had this feeling was when I just became the Leo President back in secondary school and I was bombarded with a lot of responsibilities.

Note to self: Buy a punching bag, or else my roommate will be the first victim

Actually, my theory is…

I was happily doing my Chemistry Questions downloaded from the college website. Then all of a sudden Alex came in saying that he wants to copy some music files into his external hard disk. Initially I was happy to stop my work and let him fiddle with my laptop. However, after awhile I got impatient – that’s when my mood changed. I couldn’t do, or I took a long time solving the questions, and people for no good reason constantly visited my room.

Note: This is me talking at 12.30 am, stressed and pissed. Please allow me to blame someone for now. I’m not saying that I don’t like you all to be in my room when I’m doing my work… nor am I saying that you all are bad companions… I’m just not saying anything…

To make matters worse, Chandler came into the room immediately after the transferring of files were done, and started messing with my laptop! I told him what I was doing, and he decided to join in the ‘solving fun hunt’ as well. In addition, he did his solutions on the laptop; not knowing that my mood at that moment was not fast enough to deduce that one mole of MnO4 reacts with 5Fe.

I got very depressed after that, cause I thought that I really don’t know how to do the questions.

He came back later asking me whether I was stressed. I gave him an obvious yes.

And I just forgot that I have Chemistry S Lecture tomorrow, and I haven’t done my work yet… GREAT!!

A few days ago some lady fell eight storeys above at the HDB Flats near my hostel. It was rumoured to be suicide.

“At this point in time, it’s between that or a cigarette.”

"frozen face, eyes locked in place
extinct emotions, heart uneasy
walking through darkness, head held down
watching the ground
zombie in motion, unable to feel
speech is unfathomable
repeated words, cycling in your head
hurt...pain...tears
shadows are now doubled, people are now few
days seem to surrender to night
faces turn to unfamiliar statues
objects somehow alike, yet so very unique
there to unravel tightly weaved plans
of the "happy life", constructed at your making
memories claw your insides to small red shreds
showing no emotion, expression painted on
that smiless stare is the only face
you'll ever wear
the only clue ever to be shown of
how you live your life, quiet in the shadows"